Tracers
by Uilleand
Summary: Because I know what a migraine really feels like. Kaidan oneshot.


**Tracers**

This was not going to be good.

Vivid yellow-green light flashed past his face, buzzing in his ears.

"Sonofabitch."

"You say something, Lieutenant?"

"No, Commander."

Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko closed his eyes, but the tracers remained. _Not now. Please, not now._

The timing could not be worse. Not that there was ever a good time for a bitch-slap of a migraine, but if he was on the Normandy he could find a dark hole and ride it out. _If you were on the Normandy, you could get a shot from the doc and pretend you're fucking normal._

He was hunkered down beside humanity's only spectre, surrounded by cold steel and the putrid remnants of about half a dozen colonists. _They aren't colonists any more, Alenko. They were…they were…things…_

Still. They had been colonists. And he had killed them.

The stench wafted up to his nose and his stomach heaved, sending more tracers through his cerebellum. The planet tilted slightly beneath him. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…_

"OK, now I _know_ you said something, Alenko." Nik Shephard's voice was hard. "Don't make me force a status report out of you."

"Brain's acting up, ma'am. It's … manageable. Too long without food, I think." He forced his eyes open and tried to grin. The look on her face suggested that his attempt had failed miserably. Her blue eyes narrowed as she looked him over.

"They've got you on biotic rations, right?"

He must have nodded, because a billion fireworks launched behind his eyes.

She tossed a small packet at him and he caught it by sheer reflex.

"Eat something," she said. "That's an order, L.T."

The very idea of ingesting anything made his stomach roll, but disobeying was not an option. Whatever the packet contained was dense and sticky-sweet and the smell wrapped itself up with the overwhelming odour of decay. It turned out that disobedience was more an option than he thought. He carefully re-wrapped the ration package and tucked it away in his pack, desperately trying to focus on what the commander was saying.

"… dear God. What have they done?"

… _When the blue shimmer cleared from his sight, the mess hall was silent. The Turian's limp form was huddled in the far corner of the room, unmoving. The lights sizzled and dimmed. A few of them burst in a shower of sparks._

_Rahna held her arm to her chest, her wrist black-purple and swollen. She stared at him, like she'd never seen him before in her life._

"_Rahna … what happened? I…" He moved toward her and she took several small steps backwards. _

_The pain in his own body started to pulse. There would be bruises. Something was broken. It didn't matter. All that mattered was the horror in her brown eyes._

"_Rahna." He tried to keep his tone calm, terrified that if his voice broke, so would he. "Rahna, you need to get that arm looked at. Please, let me take you to the infirmary."_

_Three more steps backwards._

"_No … I … I mean, I will. I'll go. Jess will take me, won't you, Jess?"_

_Her dark eyes were ringed with white as she sought her friend's face in the silent crowd. Jess was saved from answering, though. Administrative Officer Deceaux appeared in the mess hall door, broad shoulders blocking out the light from the hallway. "Merde! What in the sweet bloody hell is going on here? What have you done?"_

"Behind you, Alenko!"

Only chaos, really. Only noise and light and stink. Jaw clenched tightly against bile. But he ducked in time to avoid being covered in a torrent of rot.

The tingling surge built up in his spine and shivered down the muscles of his arms before being released in a surge of blue energy, sending the decrepit bodies of colonists whose will had been devoured by Thorian spores flying through the air and careening against walls and ceiling. The bodies bounced and broke against steel, showering filth down on them all.

His head was going to explode.

_He had tried to be polite to the doctor. It wasn't her fault that Nik Shepard was irresistible. Hell, he should take Dr. T'soni out for a drink – they were in the same damn boat, weren't they? But it felt like they had been in that elevator forever and she had asked him about his biotics. He'd just tried to put his frustration into words. _

"_I wonder what it would have been like if we had been trained by Asari instead of Turians."_

_And she had to go and make some remark about how poor Asari were so misunderstood by adolescent human boys … _

Rahna wasn't a boy …

"_You don't understand, dad! He broke her arm! I…I didn't mean to…"_

_The grief in his father's eyes scared him more than anything. When he was 14, all his friends had touched on teen rebellion. Not Kaidan Alenko. There was never anything to rebel against, only quiet, solid support and unconditional love. Rules were there because he was loved. Kaidan Alenko didn't break rules._

"_Dad, please! I didn't mean to! I can't go back!"_

_At 17, Kaidan Alenko had broken his teacher. His father shook his head. "So much power, will you let it go to waste?"_

"Liara! Get down! Alenko, fry that sonofabitch's neurons, will you?"

"Yes, ma'am!" The action was automatic, a surge of energy caught the creeper full on and it fell, twitching.

_Science facility? We're not on Feros? No. That was… a while ago. We … we killed the Thorian. Where did these creepers come from?_

He wanted to shake his head to clear his thoughts, but the jagged lines of pain radiating from behind his eyes wouldn't let him. The rapport from Shepard's Tsunami VII slammed into the back of his head harder than the bullets slammed into the wretched creature that lumbered towards them.

_We're on Nodacrux. Civilian colonies, all creepers. A woman's shoe, swimming in a puddle of muck. Dammit!_

He lost his footing in the gore and fell to one knee. He felt the jolt through to his teeth. He felt the _smell_ in his throat. A hard hand on his elbow pulled him to his feet and they moved forward again. He focused on the way her short-cropped hair clung to the back of her neck, and followed.

_He had thought he could be professional about this. Kaidan Alenko doesn't break the rules. He had thought it was only bruised male ego at being saved by her, but they had saved each other countless times since then. Still, from the first, she got under his skin and then stopped to take a look around. _

"_You tried to help someone you cared about. You tried to do the right thing. You're a strong man …"_

"_I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command…"_

He had given up finding anyone alive in this place where colonists' bodies moved to attack with no will of their own. But as they rounded the final corner, a surge of joy flooded through the hot wires of agony in his brain. Survivors!

But they weren't. Not really. These weren't victims, they were the torturers. These … people … had turned three settlements of human beings into those vile, putrid creatures. The scientist was talking faster than a Salarian lawyer, offering money, favours. Part of him laughed. This bitch didn't know Shepard.

"_I swear, Commander, you're the only person I've ever met who runs more by the book than Alenko."_

_He felt himself blush, but didn't mind. Not really._

"_What else would you have me do, Captain? If I play fast and loose, I'm no better than Saren." She had flashed a casual smile at the two men before her, her wide mouth quirking up at the corner. "Besides, why do you think I keep the lieutenant around? He keeps me on the right path."_

_For the first time in his 32 years, he wished the rules would go to Hell._

"Shepard's hit!"

She slumped, her slender form hunching around a smoking hole in her armour. She kept her rifle raised as she fell back … but her eyes weren't focusing.

"Commander!"

He saw. He saw the woman's satisfied smile as Nik stumbled. _Dr. Ross. Doctor? Murderer! Monster!_

Blue fire cracked behind his eyes and through his spine, drowning out the green and purple lightening in his brain. It sizzled through his veins, fuelled by outrage and fear.

_Get up, Shepard! Get up! Nik!_

The blast that radiated from his body hurled crates, furniture and second-rate mercs across the room. Things broke. He could hear them.

"_Rahna … what happened"_

Oh, God. He broke them all.

_She had danced…danced! … on the Citadel, grinning at him. He stood back, allowed Liara to join her on the floor, so he could watch. She had beckoned to him, but he only laughed and watched. The lights had danced off her skin, off her blonde hair…_

Kaidan reacted to the red light that slid over Shepard's pale skin before his conscious mind even registered its presence. He did the only thing he could think of – he moved his body in front of hers. He saw. He saw her eyes widen moments before he felt the sniper's bullet crash through his shields.

He had only one thought as the darkness closed in. _My head doesn't hurt so much now._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

At least the light was white, not blue or yellow or purple.

It still hurt like Hell, though. He grimaced and closed his eyes tighter against its invasion and tried to turn his head away.

"Nice try, lieutenant, but I know you're awake now."

He forced his eyes open. Her face was a blurry shadow above his, but he could make out the curve of her mouth, the startling blue of her eyes. The steady beep of monitors and the grey ceiling of the Normandy's medbay joined her in his awareness.

"Sorry, ma'am. I'll be … I'll be all right in a minute…"

"Shut the Hell up, Alenko."

_Oh, God. I've broken them all._

He closed his eyes, unwilling to see … _the horror in her brown eyes_ … blue eyes.

"No you don't, Kaidan. The good doctor says it's time for you to get up and I always obey the doctor's orders. "

One strong hand slid under his neck, urging him upwards. Still, he managed to avoid her gaze as he rose to a sitting position. The hand on his neck slid along his jaw and forced his head up to meet her scrutiny.

"I can't even comprehend the power you put out down there, lieutenant. Liara tells me it was stronger than anything she's felt since she was in training back on her homeworld."

He watched her jaw tighten and wondered … and feared. He dropped his eyes again.

"Dammit! Look at me, Lieutenant!" She paused. "Kaidan."

He obeyed.

"Thank you. You saved my ass back there. It's not the first time, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last."

Her eyes … _blue eyes_ … would not release him.

"I'm not her, Kaidan. You can be as strong as you need to be … as strong as _I_ need you to be."

"Yes, ma'am."

She handed him a folded pile of cloth and it took a moment for him to understand that it was his uniform. It took a much smaller moment to understand that he was wearing slightly less than that. Medbay garb hadn't evolved much over the last century or so.

He steeled himself against the blush that was rising, but she was already headed for the door.

"And Lieutenant?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"If you ever withhold information about your health status again, I'll kick your ass. Understood?"

"Understood, Commander."


End file.
